I often wondered how my birth story would end up with Ben. I knew what I *wanted* to do, and how I would've *liked* it to go. But I knew these things don't follow a plan, so I tried to keep an open mind, and realize that a safe and healthy baby boy in my arms was the goal -- if that could be according to my plan, than GREAT.
I came along to my 40 week appointment. Anxious to hear some good news that maybe I had progressed some, but to no avail. No progress, no dilation, zilch. This surprised me because I had had Braxton Hicks contractions increase SO MUCH in pressure and frequency that previous week - surely it was doing something?! My OB recommend I wait another week and see where things were at. I was disappointed, but not terribly. I knew within the next few weeks we would have a baby boy in our arms. So that gave me comfort. "Just a little longer", I kept telling myself. Well, that following week I was doing all things to help things progress. Exercise ball, walking (miles and miles), running our stairs, pineapple juice, primerose tablets, *other activities* (ahem), everything I read, or had been advised to try I did. 41 weeks rolled around, and by golly, still no dilation or progress. My OB recommended I come in to be induced -- he felt we waited enough time, and that waiting any longer wouldn't be beneficial. I really didn't want to have to be induced, but I trusted his advice. He delivered all my mom's babies, and my sister, Mary's kids, also. He was very experienced, and I knew he had my best interest. So it was scheduled.
Sunday Evening, March 13th
We went in Sunday evening at 9 pm, to get checked in and get things going. They started me out on a prostaglandin gel. They did it every four hours through out the night. It made my feel crampy, but nothing to talk about.
Monday, March 14th
They checked me in the morning, and nothing had changed. I was really hoping that it would send me into full labor like it had for my Mom with one of us, but it didn't. So they started me on that wonderful Pitocin at about 6 AM *roll of the eyes*. They started it out at 2, and upped it by 2 every 30 minutes. It started giving me contractions, just very weak. The further into the day, as they upped the Pitocin, the contractions picked up in frequency and strength. I was on the ball, doing squats, walking the halls, trying to help this baby out. Then we had a bit of excitement in the afternoon, there was a tornado warning, because a tornado had touched down in a near by county. "CODE GREY" was being blared out of the intercoms. The nurse rushed in and said we had to be moved. They moved us to the inner part of the building, and we sat it out as we watched the weather channel on our phones. The tornado had touched down not too far from where we all lived. So Mom was calling home, making sure everyone was ok. Mary calling Eric, her husband, who was out with the kids driving in the weather trying to get home. After about 30 minutes the tornado warning was dropped and they moved us back into out room. All was well. It makes for an exciting story.
By the evening, they had my pitocin up to 20, and the contractions hurt, but I knew they couldn't be strong enough to do much, because I was still able to walk/talk through them just fine. At this time, there was about 10 people in the room keeping us company (mostly our family). I was exhausted at this point, even though the contractions weren't unbearable by any means, they still hurt and wore me down, and I hadn't eaten all day. My OB came in to check on things (this was about 8 pm ish - Pitocin at 20). My tribe of family left the room, so he could check me. I was effacing some more, but not a whole lot, and still no dilation. WHAT THE HECK?! At this point, we had been there for 24 hours. I was frustrated. I thought I'd have a baby in my arms by now, but that wasn't looking even to be in the near future. My OB was perplexed by the situation. We talked about our options. He said we could try another gel, or do a folly balloon, even go home for a couple days, etc. Then he mentioned a cesarean if none of these options worked, since for some reason my body wasn't dilating like it should. Like I said, at this point I was exhausted -- emotionally, and physically. As soon as the doctor and nurses left the room I burst into tears. If you know me at all, you know I don't cry often or easily. I felt like I was having a panic attack. Reed was the only one in the room and he held me, and tried to comfort me. I tried to settle myself down. I kept having thoughts of having to have a c-section, and how when you have one sometimes you have to have all your future kids with a c-section, and how it can limit the number of kids you can have as well. I've heard horror stories of doctors making a wrong cut and ending your child bearing years. Everything negative about a cesarean you can think of was running through my mind. My mom, and his mom came back into the room - they heard me crying. They tried to reassure me everything was going to be ok, and prayed over me. Then my nurse came in to check on my monitor. I was a mess, and felt so vulnerable crying in front of them all. Mom went back outside my room and told everyone that it would be best for them to go home, and let Reed and I think about what our next step would be.
My OB came back in to see if we had decided on what we wanted to do next. His suggestion was doing the poly balloon next. But it scared me. It didn't seem as nature as the gel or pitocin, and I had never heard of it. I wasn't comfortable with it. I needed to learn more about it. So we decided on doing a different natural gel over night. Before they started ir, we got a shower and ate dinner. This helped so much. It relaxed me, and helped me get my mind and thoughts together, and food always makes things better, am I right?!
They started the gel at about 11 pm, and did it every 4 hours throughout the night. This gel was different, it was giving me much stronger contractions. It seemed to be working better then the previous gel.
Tuesday, March 15th
Morning rolled around, and the nurse checked me again. Little to no change. Still no dilation at all. At this point, I had read up on the poly balloon, and talked to my nurse about it to get her experience with it. I was much more comfortable with it, and it seemed harmless, but very effective. So my OB came in at Noon to put in the balloon (which basically looks like a finger from a latex glove, that they put into your cervix and fill with water, and it puts pressure on your cervix to open up and help dilate you). The balloon falls out once you are dilated to about 3-4. Once the balloon was in it was instant pain. Contractions picked up, and it finally felt like real labor. They had the pitocin hooked up as well. I don't remember the dosage at this point though. Contractions were about 2-3 minutes apart, lasting anywhere from 30-45 seconds. Baby's heart rate was doing great. I tried to remember all the breathing techniques and positions that help with laboring. I found closing my eyes and deep breathes helped so much. Zoning everything out. I sat on the ball, and had Reed rub my back. The ball seemed to help relieve some pressure for a while. I tried standing and leaning on Reed - this way seemed to be the best for me (poor guy was probably doing more work then I was). The nurse came in about 3-3:30 pm to check on things. She tugged on the balloon a little bit and it fell right out, which mean't I was dilated -- FINALLY. I was at about 3 1/2-4. Next step was to break my water and really get the ball rolling. The on staff doctor came in and broke my water. Contractions got intensely harder and longer. It felt like I was being pulled apart inside. Contractions were about 1-2 minutes apart, lasting what seemed like forever, but was realistically more like 60 seconds. Some would peak, and start to go down, only to shoot back up, leaving me without a rest. We used the ball and massaging, but for some reasons, standing and leaning on Reed, and taking deep breathes is what gave me the most relief and comfort.
From 4-8 PM was really a blur. I don't remember much between this point, other than wanting to get this baby out. Side note: I was always so curious to what a contraction felt like before having Ben. People would say insane menstrual cramps, lots and lots of pressure, like you're getting your hips split wide open, stabbing pains in your bad, etc. After having experienced it for myself. I definitely agree with all the above statements.
It was about 8 pm by now. I was in so much pain, I didn't think I could deal with one more contraction. I tossed the idea around in my head of an epidural. But I kept telling myself "I can do this!" "You got this!" "You've made it this far!", but with each contraction, an epidural sounded better and better. I had been in the hospital for 2 days now, I was wore out. I felt like I had no more strength to push through, not even just physically, but mentally too. I just wanted me baby in my arms. I had been at this hospital waaay too long. I told Reed I might want to get an epidural. He knew how much I wanted to try and go without medication. He, along with our moms, suggested that the nurse check me and see where I'm at. If I had progressed a lot, maybe that would give me enough stamina to continue. The nurse checked me, and I was only at 5 cm. WHAT THE WORLD?! I was at 4 cm four hours ago, and I had only progressed to 5 cm?! I about cried when she told me. I told Reed there was no way I could go on for hours and hours more. I had nothing, nothing left. He agreed. So we asked for an epidural. By 9 pm, the epidural was in. It took the first time, and started giving me relief within a couple minutes. As you'll see below. It was very effective. By this time, it was about 9:30-10 pm. Everyone was exhausted. My mom, Reed's Mom, and my sister Mary had been with me the whole time. They came up Sunday night for a bit, and stayed all day Monday, and they had been there all of Tuesday too. We were all trying to get some shut eye, since we had no idea how long baby would take to come. The nurse came in every hour or so, to up the pitocin. We used the peanut to prop my leg up to help with dilation, and switched it to the other leg every so often. By this time everyone was resting/trying to sleep.
Wednesday, March 16th
1 am rolled around, and the nurse decided to go ahead and check me again. I wasn't expecting much progress. She checked and I was dilated to about 9.5 cm and baby's head was very low. "PRAISE JESUS!" came out of my mouth. She told me she was going to call the doctor and let him know (he was at home sleeping, no doubt). She started getting the room ready. It was finally happening. This baby was really, for real, actually going to be out of my body and into my arms. I had some major doubts it would actually ever happen the past 2 1/2 days (silly me! I know, but it felt like it was really never going to happen). I thought I would have had the baby sometime Monday afternoon (like my moms few inductions -- quick and fast). They called/texted everyone to let them know the baby would be here soon. I had Reed give me my mirror and makeup (I might as well look good pushing this little guy out, right?). We turned on my playlist on my phone. I was so ready to hold our son.
She had me practice push a few times, and she could see the baby's head so she had me stop, so we could wait for the doctor. They all told me "He's got so much hair!"(What?! my baby has hair? I never envisioned him with hair. He got it from Reed though, because he had a lot of hair when he was born. I was basically bald :))
The doctor made it in, and I started pushing. I pushed about 4 times and Ben was born. The doctor held him up, and we saw our boy for the first time. What pure, pure joy. That is the only way I can describe it. SO so much joy. I instantly thought he looked like Reed. He had a head full of brown hair, big eyes with bags under them, a button nose, and a long body. He was perfect, and he was all ours.
They laid him on my chest right away. He had his big blue eyes open, and was so alert. Getting to see Reed hold him for the first time was pure bliss. We made this little boy, and we loved him so much already, and we had just met him. "Lo, children [are] an heritage of the LORD: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward." Psalms 127:3-4. I finally got to experience this verse, and it couldn't be more right. Such a big, huge, wonderful, undeserved, blessing our son is to us. <3
Thanks to Mary for taking all the photos for me :) Such a gift to be able to look back on and relive these moments.